she doesnt have to be unlucky or a liar to be taking her pills incorrectly. Its a sad situation when an unplanned pregnancy happens between two individuals that arent committed to each other, let alone two individuals who actively dislike each other. Even if this baby malarky goes away, even if this woman only demands financial support and nothing else from your boyfriend, this sort of drama will be your life if you stay with him. You really have no idea what child support means. Steve Kellmeyer April 10, 2012, 5:30 pm. My boyfriend got a girl pregnant during a breakup. What should - Quora BACKFIRES! He didnt want a baby? Babies come from the hospital. He must be a complete scumbag, because no one ever has sex without a condom unless they intend to have children or are scumbags. Im not a lawyer, or in any way familiar with the law about these things, so my assumption is based on what a friend told me first hand about his experience. And how do you know you wouldnt do the same thing she is? So, she went out, hooked up with someone she knew briefly (which a lot of people do) and accidently got pregnant. But hes 40?! But if YOU really are so fucked up and so pathetic that you want to build a life with a man who for intents are purposes wants to simply abandon his own child have at it. I think theyre unfair in the same way that I feel its unfair to prevent women from having abortions, but thatss beside the point. She got pregnant. Just because hes willing to pay child support doesnt mean hes not a deadbeat and who would want to be with the kind of boy who would abandon his child. Hes just not ready to start a family. You have to grow up and stop this childish immature desiring for a man who keeps you hanging around. April 10, 2012, 6:23 pm, P.S. hamster van beethoven Why he would be furious with anyone other than himself is beyond me. As much as men have some inherent advantages, women do as well, and one of them is the ability to, once pregnant, get support for 20+ years from someone they might have just met. I see no reason why the mother in this scenario cannot be a great parent who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption [or only have one parent involved], SpaceySteph At the time, he said he would wait years for me - until he could be with me. He isnt what is best for you. And John, be real for a moment, and honestly tell me you jump in on a number of issues here and not to just defend your brethren who you perceive to be under attack. But let me make a few suggestions Steve. All my friends want me to leave him, saying it's not worth it anymore. . On the other hand, the intelligent men are just avoiding commitment and having fun at YOUR expense. Why are you mopping and crying over a man who clearly doesnt want to be with you? I dont know whats causing all this rancor, RR, but its surely not just the letter. but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. If you want to hold this poor man responsible for some child some women decided to create, thats just mean and patriarchal crap. My Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant Before We Started Dating, What If you dont like someone (as a fellow human being), dont have sex with them. I dont have an opinion on your status of human or troll via DW forums. Which is not true. Go argue with the feminists. Well, the law is schizophrenic. Increasingly, more and more, these letters just simply disgust me. I just personally get outraged that this is the case: that he would have to pay support regardless, but that she can opt out of it. You know, I dont have much patience this morning,. Like its a big shock that birth control can fail, that people can lie about using birth control, that women get to choose whether they want to keep their children and that he law requires men to financially support their children whether they want them or not. I dont think he is a bad person for telling a woman within the first trimester of a pregnancy that he barely knew and presumably made no false impressions to that he did not want a child and had no intention of being a part of that childs life. And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? All I can say is therapy. April 9, 2012, 2:44 pm. Maybe she IS trying to entrap him. So, really, I guess I disagree with the majority of the comments here. The obligation would fall solely on the mother. Is that fair, well no, but nine months of growing a baby inside you, followed with birth, breast feeding, ect isnt really an equitable way to split reproduction either. And he took on the consequences. Cold, but I suppose not unheard of. This is when we see rebound relationships. There is no child at conception very good. I dont think its necessarily fair. Im lucky that it has worked well for me and Im still childless, especially given the recent breakup and all. April 9, 2012, 9:19 pm, Note I said 99% of PEOPLE in that situation, not women. Mistakes That Can Make a Breakup Worse and What to Do Instead - Insider But Susie is looking forward to going away to college. It would have been way happier if its bottles didnt explode. April 10, 2012, 6:11 pm. lets_be_honest [The most dangerous place on Earth to live is in an American womans womb. Seriously, no wonder so many of are all too stupid to understand where babies come from. Theres nothing wrong with casual sex. April 9, 2012, 1:10 pm. landygirl. No one called him a criminal. And it will need a mother and a father. Thats a dudes view. The man has NOTHING to do with any child creation. Are women less able to care and provide in todays society? But even though I led you to think I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to keep the baby and thereby obligate you to two decades of child support, is, while totally within her rights, still a massive breach of the pre-coital understanding, express and implied, between the parties. Personally, I think they should be given a one-time option to opt-out if the woman wants to keep the child and the man doesnt. And you wonder why people accuse the threads of being hostile toward males? I think the key is that the choice to abort doesnt result in an innocent child that still has needs to be met. SpaceySteph And, you are not the choice. What kind of 40 year old cant live without their SO. I know one 40yr old lady who got pregnant after having her tubes tied. If its not easy and its not what one wants, opt out of it. God, Im so glad someone else thought of that word when reading this letter because Ive used that word exactly three times in my life as an insult, and yet I couldnt quit thinking it. April 10, 2012, 10:34 am. P.S. ele4phant He sounds like bad news. Its HERS, but it does not properly belong to either one of the men. As for you LW, Im not even sure exactly what youre asking. I think hes scum because 1.- he asked the other woman to have an abortion and 2.- now hes mad that she didnt. April 10, 2012, 7:25 pm. You are in a relationship where you are the one responsible for everything. I dont really know what the question was I just assumed it was should we stay together How can you not also be angry at your bf LW? What sounded nice in theory is not sounding so great to Jimmy in reality. Share your opinions and thoughts below! Close to $1,000 and thats for a shitty one. Francine Why should she abort the baby I mean come on. This poor unborn child who I feel very, very sorry for already, is not the problem. No one is forcing any woman to have the child and much less to keep it. The fact that a child is adopted does not somehow guarantee the theyll be cared for. Gain some maturity and realize that you have no part in this decision, shes decided to keep the baby, shes the one who will be carrying the baby, raising the baby, etc Grow up LW and dump him. That fact just rubs me the wrong way. Theres no statement suggesting that he tried to browbeat the woman into getting an abortion. When he got back together with her, he should have had himself tested for STDs, which hopefully he did. honeybeenicki Why does his/her future emotional health count on the presence of a father who wants nothing to do with parenting? Ask Dr. Sherry: 'My Fianc Got Another Woman Pregnant, Now - Essence No, honey, I am not and I dont believe HmC is either. well, then Id run screaming the other way. I dont think anyones saying that. Not in the 50s or 60s and maybe not as late as the 80s but today the father gets joint custody. Just sayin. First of all, she seems to think her boyfriends reaction is completely reasonable. But I agree no one should tell anyone what they can and cant do with their own bodies. If a man has sex with a woman he should be prepared for the possibility that it could result in child support payments. bittergaymark If this woman wants to have the child, then she can have it: why is it up to you or your boyfriend to tell her she cant? It did say that he was furious at her for not getting an abortion. I mean, I know guys are suppose to stick up for guys, but come on.. So, then, women should always have to accept that theyre pregnant because they had sex and then have the child whether they want to or not? It takes two to make a baby, and it doesnt seem like he was taking any precautions. Stuff like this really grinds my gears. This discussion sure got crazy though! Then, again you seem a tad immature so maybe you deserve each other. Your boyfriend made his choice when he had unprotected sex. Ill bet if LW gets pregnant, this guy is gone just about instantly. Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. honeybeenicki In the case where a woman goes to prison because she raped a kid, you can bet theyre going to hit her up for child support too. Painted_lady April 10, 2012, 5:35 pm. But that doesnt mean she has the right to be angry at this man either. Can you blame me for feeling this way? Many women become habituated to the hormone regimen and begin ovulating again, even while on the pill. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt. Its a crappy scenarios but shit happens, and theres really nothing YOU can do about it. Women can choose whether to bind a man to support their child without the mans discretion. The crazies on both sides just come crawling out of the woodwork. Nothing about that makes him the definition of immature or of an asshole. This doesnt arise from the rights of the mother. This dude intends to contribute to the childs life financially, but in no other ways, which seems vastly unfair to the child. He found her annoying but still slept with herI think this was pretty assholish behavior. Why, my God, you could have hit a chid running out in the street. He probably knows shell be a lousy mother. Women this means the pill or condom or whatever. Do you want to talk about how a baby is made? I have nothing against casual sex or sex without a relationship, but you should still have some sort of base level of respect for the people you are banging.