"We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? 2. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. Learn More. Nothing. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? "Golf is like a love affair. Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. Whos there? If you break 80, watch your business.". Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. If we . Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. 49 Dirty Quotes and Sayings You Must Pay Attention Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. And there are windmills. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. What are a golfers favorite flowers? Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. I stepped on a rake. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Just in case they get a slice! 5. Dont even putt. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. Damn, girl. course sometime. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. We share them in our weekly newsletter. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. had to choose, right ? Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." I'm pretty good with my short putts. Nuts! Please accept the terms of our newsletter. If you break 80, watch your business. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. 10 Funniest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Two rounds a day are plenty. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. The Dalai Lama himself. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. 80+ Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings - CoolNSmart I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. Everyday I'm Schauffele. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. Oh my God, what have I just said?". When your golf cart capsizes. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. All of them. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. 2. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! About 160 yards was his reply. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. Wash your balls. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. Because he walked into the wrong club! Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. 4. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! This post may contain affiliate links. Keep your head down. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! What is a golfers favorite bird? Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? Check it out now! Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Golf is like doing your taxes. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. After 18 holes I can barely walk. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? When is it too wet to play golf? Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! Jack Benny. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. Golf tips are like Aspirin: One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle youll be lucky to survive. Harvey Penick, 17. In the Golf of Mexico! It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Its to move on. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Such is the game. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. . Why are computers such naturally good golfers? You look like someone who likes to swing. It took one afternoon on the golf course. 5. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. Drop some in the comments! You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot Have fun. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. And that thought is: Dont think. How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. There is no such thing as a natural touch. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Your email address will not be published. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. Knock, knock Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? 5. clubs. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. You swing left and the ball goes right. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. Man: Please dont go. Golf Quotes (131 quotes) - Goodreads A dinner without wine. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Your email address will not be published. Sawdust City LLC. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. The threesome were curious what was going on. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. 20 Funny Golf Sayings and Inspirational Golf Quotes Or under. I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. 50 Greatest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report I am Jimmy, clown at heart. A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! Noah who? 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. Whos there? -Lee Trevino Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? My three keys to success: One, work hard. P.G. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. Because all the other four letter words were taken. So, what are your thoughts? Funny Family Poems. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. 3 / 10. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually.
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